Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
