dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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