I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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