so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
