I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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