she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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