Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
