We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
