Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
