Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
