my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Naked. naked and bneed help.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I love you.
Bad choice
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