i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
