i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
