I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
