I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
