when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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