Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
