just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
where are my eyebrows?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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