I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
