The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
