There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
