She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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