So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
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The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
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I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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