im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
