you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sext me about skeletons
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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