i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
