Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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