Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
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you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
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Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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