I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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