OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
