eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
