I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
