it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
