I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he thought i was a dude.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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