Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
