She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
