I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
