I wannas sexs uuuuu
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
