I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
