hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
