Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
