OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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