you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
