I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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