you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Hippo gnu deer
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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