Someone shit on the floor
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.