My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf