i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
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No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
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Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?