i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
