Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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