I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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