My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
