it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
operation have a gay friend backfired
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Couch. On fire.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
