Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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