you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
