No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
