five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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