There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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