I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
