...so i touched it.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
