that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
BRING THE BAGELS
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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